Fear…..I refuse TO BLINK!!

Everyone has their own…it may be different or same but having different connotations ,,,,,u may deal it with it in ur own way…mostly people unknowingly deal with it in the most convenient way dats….” Not acknowledging its existence”…….Some fite with it in pain and loneliness…Sum accept and Ignore it…… proudly claiming it as part of our weakness…at each stage we carry it wid us……..for some it keeps changing……I find fear resides where hope is surrounded by doubts….Doubts arise due to too much of knowledge and unwanted reasoning capabilities….
As a small child, I do recollect fearing darkness….during powercuts at my hometown …..i used to feel scared…before the powercut timings I used to ensure bein close to somebody……make ma place before hand…but admist the darkness n alongwith ma family talking to each other abt the Whos who.n all irrelevant but still proclaimed dead important matters I used to feel safe n secured….but Now strangey I do find peace in darkness…..when low sad, worried….i seek darkness otherwise too…….just to hide myself or rather hold myself!
Way back it just struck me dat..i wasn’t afraid of darkness..it was the fact that I lost sight of ma people during darkness……dats wat worried me……Loneliness……so we all have are share of fears n worries its how we see it …..or interpret it…..
Somethings bother you……. DO nOT Blink at it……..Fear- It's what pushes you past "good enough" and doesn't let you rest until it's "right……..There is a need to attend it and stare at it right in the eye, to stare it right down, to see it, to know it, to let it know you, and to not let your fear, your hesitance, your what-if be a part of that experience. ………
(Psst…… dedicated to ma friend – BBB !!! who was recently spotted watching Phoonk 2 at a theatre ((please note it was just a trailor shown between another screening))…..With Manoj kumar kinda action i .e hands on her face, with little gaps between fingers which gave her a satisfaction dat she actually was viewing a horror scene……..LOL!!!

Girls Day out….

As excited it sounds..wasnt exactly so…Fed up of the innumerable attempts to organize a meet of all our friends..due to “n” number of options given ..”yahan kyu nai ,wahan kyu nai”.,…”abhi kyu nai ,tabhi kyun nahi”…”mil kar kya program hain”…We the “totally determined….but directionless threesum” decided to go out n njoy our day and show everyone that We can n will have fun……We like minded three (at least in such matters)…decided a nearby outlet and were all set to have a gr8 time……the restaurant was good…ambience gr8 but there weren’t any people as such…good for us…felt at home….

We sat there @initially looking around in amazement…Click click….”wahan par khadi reh yahan pe”,”upar dekh ,yahan pakad” yes we did manage to get some extremely deserving frowns from the waiters out there.…@den the mode changed to smiling at each other….@then finally We where Staring at each other…We lacked a ability to talk …or would rather put it up as…we didn’t have a topic to talk,…reason quite evident….MOBILES our lifes are narrated exaggerated and transmitted without time lag..So there was nothing to ask…nothing to discuss…nothing to bitch about…Found the same strange…But we are girls!! Rite??? we can still talk ………Blah Blah Blah on “how we donot have sumthing to talk”….We managed to pull each others leg…do a little bit of Dancing at their folk session….n then experienced & fully relished mouthwatering delicacies….WOW…hmmm……really tempting…n then all of us were eyeing at one particular corner–dats the horoscope reading one….We all behaved as if would rather sit n njoy…why pay unecessarily…but Knowing future is an excitement in itself full of curiosity n hopes…So we three sat there showing our Bhavishya rekhas……..
Loved and enjoy and found many of the claims to be true…some funny…yet acceptable…da one wherein I was asked to be a bit less straightforward with people to preserve them in ma life…my friend bein advised or rather told dat she would learn driving….at the same time I was requested and not told to avoid any kinda vehicles for the health and well beings of others…Astonishment shown by him on hearing my dad’s name…and his claim dat” unka kuch nahi hain aap mein”..(Psst ROFL..Rolling on the floor laughter different interpretations u see ;))... the chirpy one whos a die hard rummmantic bein advised to think from her brains and not from heart coz heart will mislead her….i somewhere felt he knows us personally and was taking a fultu revenge by telling us all everything we didn’t wanna acknowledge although he put it up as a good show…convincing enough to earn his money

Later early evening we got up to head off to our usual lifes …had a great time and took a pledge dat the next time we meet , we wouldn’t talk to each for a week prior to the meeting de..in short we would have good reserve to exercise our tongue and lighten our moods n minds….but still we continue bein tuned into 24 by 7 mobile updates..KYa hua…kahan gaye…kya kiya….kya laga…aisa kyu laga….kya lagana chahiye tha….Phew I can really go on..but somewhere putting a fullstop is a relief I guess;-)

Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary.

It seemed like a normal day in July …….unsure whether it will rain or not….people moving around busy wid their apparently important chores..had a decent start for the day which turned out to be a magnificent experience am not sure whether to Quote it as a nightmare or a Great Escape from nature’s nasty side…………

It was ma initial days as a self proclaimed audit assistant (..dunno wat was I assisting …LOL…)..in one of pharma company…..Had ma colleagues but as snooty as I preferred to be had been all by myself in ….it wasn’t exactly a rainy day…….but for sure had clouds all over our head…..by afternoon it began pouring cats n dogs…..was given an option to leave early so jumped at dis gr8 option ( dedication to ma work is sumthing which is absolutely scarce at such times …hhehehe) and didn’t have a mobile ( don’t faint I Hated Mobiles at that time !!!) nor am I dat obedient to use the landline and inform loved ones about where I am……..hate to do that dunno why……

So chal pade mauke par chauka maarne aur ek weekday par jaldi ghar paunchne….reached the Dadar station in around 20 mins…..Weather was Awesum…….rain at its best …..Wind was as forceful as never……my umbrella had swinged a couple of times before finally giving up….and there I stood among thousands…..without a shelter……trying to make space for ma two legs ( wat all did I think while escaping from office nice weather…..can travel back home early …no crowd during this time….WOW.) and now exact words in ma mind were “ WHERE DO I GO”……..tried a stunt back to office but the roads were blocked coz of floods( was seceretly happy about the same…..i hated the work place and stayg there was never welcomed)….Fortunately I found ma self amongst a randomly created group who decided to walk down through the highway….so our journey began at 3.pmm……..

I was quite amazed by my own thought process, I had left office all by myself on such a dreadful day……struggled my way through a absolutely huge crowd…..and then started walking towards unfamiliar roads with completely unknown people ( didn’t even ask their names!_) still I was surprisingly positive of reaching home by the evening……..( FYI- am a die hard pessimistic specie)….may be Da underestimation of destructive powers of rains could be a probable reason ( ya let me clarify da news regarding rain in assam, delhi etc destroying the routine is not as affective and impactful on people like me…..who reacts only when experience hits hard!!)

So der I was amongst the mumbaikars walking through the divider with volunteers ( hats off to all of them)…..guiding us…….Sumtimes circumstances has its own strange ways of uniting all kinds of people……All my co walkers were worried abt their loved ones…..mobiles had died ,no network for the ones alive……..As and when we crossed an area , we had someone reaching their destination with relief inviting us to stay back but fortunately like me all the rest were adamant in reaching our own homes…….

During the whole padhyatra………da most horrifying scene encountered was at KURLA !! ohh god it would have been an absolute breathtaking treat to ur eyes if u were watching it from home..LOL!!!......but not for us…..i don’t remember the river /lake wat it was…..it overflew……and when we were taking our liitle baby steps……. It apparently seemed as we are actually admist a sea……( ENJOYED EACH MOMENT COZ wasn’t really bothered to reach home and wanted to experience da feeling of being alone)..Standing there I actually felt dat may be wont be seeing my loved ones again……but strange as I am didn’t break down………coz was quite happy with ma life and wouldn’t mind if it ended this way!......Still selfish as we all are we don’t want to struggle and die so again marched my way…..helping and bein helped ….Finally reached Vikhroli around 9.30..pitch dark……..and the fourth last person a lady from our group accidentally met her husband…..Certain sights can be more dan a blessing at times….Wished I too bumped into some known people but hard luck I guess…the other one with me broke down screaming nd crying and refusing to walk and cursing god!......Humans can scare u to death sometimes!!.....i remembered people crying at somebody’s death…….i didn’t understand wat suddenly trigged her tear factory…….ohh May be da fact dat the other lady met her husband.probably yes Or no!!.......noways did I ask her….PAnni mein dubba kar maar daalegi…heheheh.

Saw huge crowd for the first time…….all drenched no umbrellas ….Nature still weeping in full swing….consistent rains made the scene turn bad to worse…….people were getting into garabage vehicle trying to find a place for their legs….women old young……men of different grades saw the driver of the vehicles sheepishly smiling at the absolute unity in this diversity……we didn’t manage to get a place and we had a volunteer who was going vechicle to vechicle asking to drop us at our destination….every place was full…..now even I was down……cotton dresses dat too with an inner and churiddar to mess up things further…can really be a pain in u know wat…??? ..empathised with people wearing jeans too…….Finally a red van was ready to stuff us up……all 4 ladies….in the vechile……AAP bas kahan pe aage chood do……adamant in desperation not to walk further…….

….but By supreme God’s wishful grace I had one most memorable adventure still in store for this eventful day… the vechicle was goin till Mumbra…had hefty 4 mens inside……they were consoling us…….i was at the backseat and quiet as a mouse….coz I was the only one beyond thane, da lady getting down at thane advised me to stay at her place and not to go further with these people alone beyond thane…..( I was stubborn enough to reach home had to ignore to her absolutely concerned and circumstantially rightful advise)

I observed the mobile in the hands of one of the guys.,who absolutely resembled sum gundappa shetty kinda goondas ( with more gold over his body dan a southie wify )in early movies of ajay devgan suniel shetty….etc…. .his contact list consist of all names with the suffix BHAI!.......Ding dong my heart sank.,……….where am I ……who are these people…..they kept talking also about how they had to return back from airport and one of their seth is stranded there n all…….

While striding through the waves and battling the Most untimely traffic suddenly the guy at the driver seat started calling out to another driver.....and asked Goa hain goa ?......(Psst my random thoughts.....why is he asking about goa...is he goin to goa...maybe he is too drunk........or maybe he is pulling da driver or perhaps everyones leg with respect to utter helplessness to reach at any desired destination)

Finally i see hime receive a packet of gutkha to keep him awake and us alive......and the brand name was GOA......Ahhhh! wat a relief..good!!! general knoweldge abt such things will increase only through such great encounters, i guess;-)

i was offered a mobile from them to call my dad…( YA yA till now nobody from my house knew where I was….?) I called up, reliance zindabad……sum handsets are in loudspeaker mode by default in took me 15 min to explain to ma dad……..da exact situation “it was 10.30 ….and I wanted him to come near the naka to pick me up….And theres a news ….Surprise surprise….the roads from thane to Kalwa are blocked so now am stranded……good god there is anotherway from Thane –mumbra directly….and they can still drop me at some known place……Sometimes ignorance can give u abundant astonishing pleasure at tiring times…….”


Suddenly I realized dat all the guys are having a good laugh…da reason bein ma dad…he ended up requesting those people…. Da exact words are in quotes”Bhai saab meri beti ko aap **** tak chood do….hum wahaan se usko le lenge…chahiye toh thode aur paise lelo………” ooh SHItt!....seriously wanted to hide ma face somewhere…..ma dad’s gone mad…….i apologized but those people were really sweet dan imagined ( okk truth is dat they can never been imagined as sweet but their acts were seriously sweet) they kept prasing my dad to be so concerned and innocent with words………one of the guys knew my mothertongue….i hate people who know other’s mothertongue..and that idiot told it to me after ma conversation with dad….yus I had spoke abt them to him ……with supreme confidence dat no one knows ma language..ahahhah….had a tough time facing him……so wat I am pissed off waanna go home……..bas hogaya…..

Finally I was dropped at a place far from decided destin…..coz of road block….had to again around 1.am stride through the waters….those people…stood there watchg me making my way…waved a heartfelt and well deserved thanks……saw a BEST bus goin in dat direction entered the same…..the vechicle left……he called up ma dad and informed…..got down from the bus…..and there u hear another irony…….the bus conductor charges u 4 bucks for less than a minute in dat bus…….Strange and absolutely outrageous……saw my dad ….worried….he kept on telling me about my brother, sis in law….cousins status most of them still in office…..very intelligent decision must say……no lights…..water had flooded till first floor………but somewhere my mind was not with wat he had to say……it was still in dat vehicle wherein I was a little while ago doubting each and everyone ‘s intention , we humans are so programmed by our own thoughts and suspicions that during such tiring times too we don’t Trust people……Trusting is something we fear and consider as a weakness……..doubting is rather mark of intelligence..i laughed at ma self loud and hard, and enjoyed very bit of my journey back home….alone!!.....sense of pride..and sense of being among the esteemed blessed one …….Such experience reensures ur faith and hope on the gift Called Life……and more dan anything On the almighty!!